I very often hear from wives (and sometimes from husbands too) who are trying to understand why happily married men would cheat on their wives or have affairs. I often hear comments like: "I don't understand this. We were happily married. Things were good between us and in our marriage. We didn't have any real problems that we were aware of. And now I find out he's cheated on me? Why could this have happened? I just don't understand."
And I don't just hear these types of comments from wives whose husbands have had affairs. I also sometimes hear from the husbands themselves. They often say things like: "Looking back, I don't have any idea what I was thinking or why I acted the way that I did. My wife is wonderful. I love her very much. Our marriage was a happy and fulfilling one. And now she's looking at me for answers as to why I would jeopardize this whole thing and have an affair. And the weird thing is, I don't have any answers to give her. I don't know why I did this. And even I don't get why a happily married man would cheat on his wife."
Many people make the mistake of thinking that a man cheats because his marriage is in trouble or because he doesn't love his wife anymore. This most certainly isn't always the case. In fact, it's not all that uncommon for happily married men with wives they adore to cheat. I'll explore some of the reasons for this in the following article.
Some Men Have Affairs As A Way To Work Through Their Own Personal Issues That Have Nothing To Do With Their Marriage: I know that you may have read or heard something like this before. But, when it comes to your marriage and your own life, it can be very hard to believe this. It's so easy to think that you did something wrong or ignored something that was obvious.
But please believe me when I say that this isn't always the case. I see many men cheat as a way to deal with, calm, or minimize a personal crisis. And, this crisis can take many forms. Sometimes, they are having job or financial issues. Sometimes, they are under a great deal of stress and they don't share this burden with their wives because they don't want to worry her.
I very often see happily married men cheat after they lose a parent. And, it's also very common to see cheating after an event that makes them come face to face with their own mortality or their own aging or personal weaknesses. Sometimes, they aren't looking to cheat and never in a million years believed that they might, but the situation presents itself to them and they act on impulse and sometimes can't find their way out of it immediately.
I am certainly not telling you this to defend their actions or to make excuses for their behavior. At the end of the day, cheating is a choice that has painful implications that I would never defend. But, I tell you this so that you might understand why a man can cheat for reasons that have very little to do with his marriage or with his love for his wife.
Cultural Norms And The Relationship Environment: This contributing factor for cheating isn't as common as personal crisis, in my opinion, but it does bear mentioning. Men who have male relatives who cheat on their spouses are much more likely to cheat themselves. And, men who have close friends or coworkers who cheat or condone cheating are also more likely to be unfaithful to their wives.
Of course, this isn't an excuse and it doesn't make infidelity right but studies and statistics indicate that it can be an undeniable factor. Hopefully, I've given you a couple of things to think about. I hope this article has shown you that there are various reasons that happily married men cheat. I'm not arguing the validity of these reasons. But I hope that the wives reading this might now hesitate the blame themselves or their marriages for their husband's cheating, as it might to have less to do with her than she might have believed.
I struggled greatly with understanding how my husband could cheat when we were truly happy. But after much introspection, I finally learned that healing was possible. Although I never would've believed this two years ago, our marriage is stronger than ever. It took a lot of work, and I had to play the game to win, but it was worth it. Because of all the work I did on myself, my self esteem is at an all time high. I no longer worry my husband will cheat again. You can read a very personal story on my blog at http://surviving-the-affair.com